Telling People

We're not sure when we should start telling our families about all of this. This blog is still locked to the public at the time of my writing, so one day soon you'll all read what my thoughts were today on Monday, December 4th. For me, there are 3 things at play:

1. First, none of our family knows we were trying or even close to trying. We're hoping and thinking that everyone will respond favorably at first. After all, we'll be having the first grandchild on both sides, and the first great-grandchild on my side. We're the oldest childless couple in both families. Both of us have our education out of the way, and have full-time salaried jobs. All that makes us think everyone will be happy and think we're ready (or at least closest to ready in our families). BUT, we still have a lot of debt. We don't own a home yet. I am still raising support for my job at Mosaic. And Kim will probably want to take her full maternity leave and then quit her job next year. She'll find a massage job eventually we hope, but for a while money will be tight. And the progress we've made on paying down our debt will halt completely when the baby comes.

2. Secondly, we'd want to tell our families personally. For me that's a little tougher since my family is 6 hours and 8 hours away, respectively. Advent just began, and I'll be pretty busy at the church with special services and work at the new space until after Christmas (when we were already planning on going to Louisiana).

3. Finally, this early in a pregnancy (especially a first one), there's always the possibility of losing the baby. We know a lot of people chose not to reveal they are expecting until later (even after the first trimester) to make sure the baby is ok. We'd hate for our family and friends to get real excited for us and then have to go through all the pain and awkwardness of a miscarriage.

The 3rd concern isn't really holding us back. We're such open people, and experienced with suffering that we wouldn't want to hide from our family or our church a miscarriage. Even if Kim were to lose the baby tomorrow (only 4 or 5 weeks in), we'd probably tell people and begin a period of grief and suffering. Plus, the earlier we tell people, the earlier we began receiving their prayers, well-wishes, and even hospitality and gifts.

The first concern about the timing or our finances also doesn't matter much to me personally. I want my family and Kim's to respect us and support/approve our decisions whenever possible. But, we're adults now who will sometimes do things they don't like or agree with (especially in regard to child rearing, I imagine). I know some of our decisions have been met with questions at first from both sides, like dropping out of seminary to move to Austin, or me having to raise support at Mosaic. But for the most part, things have gone well, and I believe we are trusted and supported by all of our family. I think the belief that all of our family members have about the sanctity of life, and children as a gift will play into it too. After all, agree with us or not, Kim's pregnant and there's nothing anyone can or will do about that now. But, I do want to work some on our money and budget, and to develop a plan for how we'll live the next year or two before we tell our families.

The distance/travel component is tricky. We have thought the last few days that we would just wait and get the first OBGYN visit under our belt. Then when Kim is around 7-8 weeks, we could tell her family here on Christmas Day. Then we'd travel to Louisiana and tell everyone there the day or two after Christmas. But we're going nuts not being able to tell anyone, and thinking about having to wait 3 more weeks. We're going to talk more about it tonight, but we might try to tell everyone this week. I was supposed to be off this Sunday night from Mosaic to speak at another church in town, but that fell through this morning. I could certainly be used at Mosaic then, but I am thinking about asking Don if I could take it off anyway and go to Louisiana this weekend. Then we could tell Kim's family here on Thursday or Friday night, and mine on Saturday and Sunday. It's probably not real smart financially to spend the money on gas just 2 and a half weeks before we do it again. But we've got 8 more months to save and be responsible.