never alone

So this is probably a non-PC thing to talk about openly, but hey, that doesn't normally stop me.

I think I'm starting to understand part of why some women go through post-partum depression. I've never read on the subject, so I could be way off, but here are my thoughts. I've always thought, "hey, you actually have the baby now and you can see it and hold it whenever, so why is it sad that it's not in your tummy anymore?"

Lately, I've realized something. As Baby Girl moves around in me and I feel her, I'm keenly aware of her presence at all times. I've realized that I'm never alone. I took the first part of my massage licensing test (and passed) and she was moving the whole time. I wasn't as nervous cause she was with me...weird, I know. I mean, the only thing the 3 of us taking the tests were allowed to take in was a pencil, but I had my daughter with me. As I gave a massage to the owner of the massage place where I want to work (after which, she hired me), I was not alone. Good days or bad days at work, she's here.

From waking up in the morning to going to bed at night and all that I do in between during the day, I know that I'm never alone. And it's not in this vague sense, like God is always with me. I can really feel her. I love having her around.

I know I'm only halfway through this thing, but her moving hasn't gotten old yet. I'm starting to pick up her patterns. She's really active in the afternoons after lunch and before I go home for the day. She moves when I first get into the bathtub. She moves when I'm sitting on the couch, but stops inevitably as Daddy reaches over to feel her. She's a tease.

I, of course, hope not to experience post-partum depression and I know that sometimes it gets really bad. But on a very basic level, when she arrives, I think I'll miss having her with me at all times.